I haven’t been writing lately because I’m in a bit of a rut. (More like totally in the ditch). I can’t seem to dig myself out of it, and it’s so, so tiring. I feel like I spend my energy trying to “save up my energy”, but I’m dragging my feet really hard.
I dunno why I’m writing this. Maybe someone will have some great idea that I haven’t tried yet or something. It just feels weird not to put what I need out to the universe, so I do. I don’t feel very useful to anyone, including myself… I can’t help but thinking, “What if this never goes away, no matter how hard I try?” I don’t want to permanently feel like shit… that’s just not my MO. Do I take the drugs? Do I not take the drugs? Do I continue with this therapy or that?
I don’t know anymore, not that I ever did. What the hell is going on?!
Maybe I just need to get the hell out of here.